


'cause I can't make you love me if you don't

by MedievalEnchanted



Series: SwanQueen - Apple Cider [39]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Broken, Emotions, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I want her, Other, SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME, Sad regina mills, This hurt, Unrequited Love, dont hate me, no happy ending, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MedievalEnchanted/pseuds/MedievalEnchanted
Summary: Regina finds out Emma and hook are engaged...she says she's happy, but behind closed doors, when her walls are down what is the truth about her feelings for Emma Swan?
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Henry Mills, Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Series: SwanQueen - Apple Cider [39]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978300
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	'cause I can't make you love me if you don't

**Author's Note:**

> Someone tweeted something about Regina crying herself to sleep after finding out Emma was engaged to Hook... and I kinda had to write a thing.
> 
> As always, leave kudos, and comments and please share if you have time :)
> 
> \- BH

“Is that an engagement ring?” Zelena asked, pulling Emma’s hand towards her, as herself and Regina just walked through the door to the Charming’s loft and Zelena had noticed the sparkling engagement ring in front of her on Emma’s finger.

“Oh, yeah Hook proposed.” Emma smiled, before Zelena let her hand go.

Regina felt like she’s been punched in the stomach, like if she tried to speak no sound would come out, she wanted to cry, she wanted to escape, wanted to run and never look back, but she wouldn’t do that.

“Emma I -” Regina began “I’m happy for you I really am.” she smiled and pulled Emma in for a hug, she closed her eyes and bit back her lip to stop herself from crying, before pulling away again.

“Thanks, means a lot.”

“No problem… I gotta go. Zelena can tell you what we came here to say.” and with that Regina turned her back on Emma and walked quickly out the door.

“Regina wai-” But Emma’s words fell to the silence in the room.

“Don’t worry. I will go after her!” Snow said, leaving Emma  watching helpless, as the door closed in front of her.

Regina was already half way down Mifflin street, her arms crossed, and feeling the sharpness in her throat when she heard Snow calling her name.

“Regina! Wait up!” Snow shouted, in an exhausted effort.

But Regina kept walking until she was at her own front door and Snow finally caught her “Regina…”

“Go away Snow.” Regina's voice cracked.

“Talk to me.” Snow frowned, and Regina turned round facing her friend, before she let her head fall onto Snow’s shoulder, and they both wrapped their arms around one another, as Regina sobbed. Snow rubbed her hand up and down Regina’s back until her friend calmed down.

“Let’s talk inside.” Regina said as she pulled away.

Regina and Snow settled inside on the couch, sitting side by side. “I’m sorry Regina.”

“It’s fine… it’s...I…”

“I know you love her. It’s okay.”

“It’s not though is it? I love her and she… she’s engaged… to him no less.” Regina’s voice trembled, as she made a small glass of cider appear in her hand, before swigging it back.

“Regina…” Snow tried

“No…” Regina stood up quickly “It’s fine. I think you should go.” Regina snapped, she knew her friend was just trying to help but the last thing she needed in the moment was kindness, because all she wanted to do was cry.

“Alright...I’ll go, but Regina…” Snow stood up, placing both her hands on either side of her friend's arms “Don’t put your walls up, don’t block yourself off, call me if you need anything. Alright?”

Regina simply nodded, watching as Snow walked out the house, closing the door quietly. 

  
  


Regina took a breath, still holding the glass of unfinished cider in her hand, walking over to the mirror that was sat on the wall in the hallway. Regina saw herself in the mirror, her anger bubbling, well Regina thought it was anger but she couldn’t differentiate between anger and hurt, and right now she was hurting.

Her tears rolled down her face slowly, and she heard the glass in her hand beginning to crunch under the pressure she was placing on it, before she felt part of the glass piercing her skin and then...Regina threw the glass in rage at the mirror watching in slow motion as all the glass shattered to the floor, and her knees just went weak, she collapsed to floor screaming out a blood curdling scream, her tears falling like the rain in the middle of a storm.

Regina curled up in the fetal position in the middle of the floor in her hallway, with her hand slightly cut from the glass and Regina just howled.

Suddenly the front door opened, and the footsteps of her 24 year old son came heavy footed up the stairs, until his eyes lay heavily onto Regina, in her black pant suit, heels still on, as was her coat, on the floor crying and shaking from the emotions she was feeling.

Henry stopped, frozen to the spot, before Regina’s wails brought him back to reality, and he ran to her side “Mom!” kneeling down in front of her “Mom?”

“Henry?” Regina's eyes blinked through the wetness “I didn’t think you were coming home this weekend.”

“I wasn’t. Grandma called, she said she was worried about you but you wouldn’t speak to her.”

“I could - couldn’t -” Regina was beginning to hyperventilate.

“Mom, sit up for me, let's get your hand cleaned and then you need to talk to me. I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.” Henry smiled softly.

Regina nodded, as Henry put his hand under the brunettes elbow helping her to her feet, and walking her to the sink, they stood in silence, just hearing the running of the water from the faucet, running over Regina hand, and a few sharp in hales of breath from Regina as her hand stung from the water running over and into her small wounds. He then wrapped Regina’s hand up in a small bandage, after cleaning it out properly.

  
  


Henry took his Mom up to her bedroom and helped her get changed, he figured, she’s be too sad to even change, it’s the least he could do after all the years she did the same for even (especially on his 21st birthday, after him and Emma went out drinking and came home hammered)

But his Mom was broken, whatever had happened it wasn’t good.

Henry managed to put Regina under the covers, and he sat on the other side of the bed on top of the covers, he held Regina’s hands in his own “Mom? What happened?”

Regina turned her head slowly towards Henry “Did Emma not tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Henry frowned.

“Great so I get to tell you because I can’t keep a hold of my emotions -”

“Wait - oh Mom…” Henry replied sadly as the lightbulb went off in his head. “The engagement… shit I should have realised.”

“No, bubba, you shouldn’t have.”

“Mom.”

Regina looked away again, freeing her bottom lip to wobble, and scrunching up her face attempting to keep everything bottled up inside.

“Mom. Don’t do this.”

“Do what?” Regina asked, grabbing the pillow next to her and shoving it on her face screaming into it, her sounds muffled by the pillow. Henry snatched the pillow. Placing it back next to her.

“Mom, you need to let it out, you know what keeping your emotions inside does.”

“Henry can you stay here tonight?”

“In the house? Of cours-”

“No, can you sleep next to me? Like you used to when you were my baby boy.” Regina smiled weakly.

“Of course.” Henry nodded “Give me a moment.” Henry went through to his old room changing into his own pyjamas and having a quick wash before going back to Regina, and cuddling down next to her under the covers.

“Talk to me Mom…”

Regina took a breath, before placing her head on her son’s chest “I shouldn’t - I shouldn’t even have put you in the posit-”

“Mom stop it. I love you and I would do anything for you, just as you did everything for me all my life...I know you love her…Emma.”

Regina nodded “I love her, I haven’t felt like this since - Daniel.” Regina breathed out, just as she began crying again.

“Oh Mom.” Henry brought Regina in for a tighter hug.

“Was it stupid of me to think maybe we could have - maybe she felt the same -”

“Mom..”

“No...it’s fine, I’m in love with her and that’s how it is, she’s engaged to him and happier with him than she ever could be with me.”

“Mom, did you ever tell her?”

“That I love her? No, you must be insane!” Regina chuckled through her heartfelt tears.

Henry figured the rest could wait until the morning “Mom, try and sleep we can talk about more in the morning.” Henry smiled kissing the top of his mothers head “I love you Mom.”

“I love you - too - H -hen n - henry” Regina sobbed into her son's arms, she cried so hard, sobbing soaking Henry pyjama top, until she fell asleep.

Regina’s heart was hurting, and there wasn’t a thing anyone could do to protect her from that pain, but everyone including Snow White would help her through, Regina Mills would survive.


End file.
